August 2004

Saturday, August 28, 2004

why do you have to go and make things so complicated?

trapped.
like a scientist imprisoned in her lab mice glass cage.
like a mouse in a corner with a cat for company.
like an image in within a photograph… frozen for eternity.

life was so much simpler when my emotions were on hybernating mode… but i guess it’s too much to ask of my biological system to keep the ‘raging hormones’ phase on hold any longer.

sigh. the heart is fickle beyond all measure… who can understand it? Where’s my trusty analytical mind over emotional matter… a cold dictatorial rule, with no room for fantastical castles in the air?

i miss it. So much simpler being the scientist observing lab rat behaviour and interaction. Play with them, interact with them, experiment with them.. all without being emotionally engaged.

Don’t you see; i struggle against my human instinct for intimacy.. a catch on my nonchalance towards relationships, a bane on my emotional freedom. argh.

but maybe it is time to open up and let go. Let my heart rule and let my head keep her silence. For we only live once.. and emotions set us apart from the rest of the things alive and kicking on earth.

i’m trying my best not to mentally compare emotions and basic animal instinct…

sigh. cheers. long live the mentally torn analytical romantic sceptic. *clink*